Archive for the ‘A Naïve Poet and Occasional Writer’ Category

Bulwer-Lytton 3

Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

Science Fiction

On a dim, steamy night on Xlantu, Zills leapt to recharge and flow together with it into the Maw of Zantur, riding out on waves of Burp crying out in anger which they never did, so all in all, it was an interesting experience.

Spy

Hell! he thought in fluent Russian as his transmitter tooth dropped into his bowl of Borscht after being dislodged by the toothpick which was in reality a tiny antenna, and he knew he was stranded in the cold with too few roubles and no phone card so he could never ring his Mum again.

Bulwer-Lytton 2, Oh Dear!

Sunday, August 26th, 2007

Here are a couple more terrible paragraphs in the Bulwer-Lytton tradition.

 

A Dark and Stormy Night

It was a dark and stormy night, and a million stars twinkled and shone as planets twirled around an indeterminate percentage of them, some perhaps supporting life, even intelligence, and all that bright luminescence was perhaps not even there above the clouds, like the tree in the forest thing, he thought.

 

Purple Prose

Meg sat there exhausted and pregnant, like a collection of sports equipment – an earth ball, two mega-baseball bats, two hockey sticks, a couple of marbles, two bike helmets, a golf ball, two really small boxing gloves – the most amazing piece of exercise equipment he ever had.

A Bulwer-Lytton entry

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is an annual competition that awards prizes for the most awful paragraph of prose in various categories. so it transpires like so, that, over the next few days I am going to post some entries that I put in some years ago in the hope of winning but I didn’t, so it seems awfully like, mustn’t it be, that I guess I wasn’t bad enough after all as I thought.

Detective

He rose from the chair behind his desk like thunder, snapping his ballpoint in two as his fist clenched, except for the soft, ink-filled plastic insert which stubbornly refused to break, raising his ire higher (didn’t he hate that?) as he started towards the distant pink door with its beckoning brass handle; the first footsteps on a case that had already got to him.

The contest URL is here http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/  but don’t you forget to come back and read my other entries and comment to let me know how bad I am and tell me I should have another go.

Colds

Sunday, August 5th, 2007

COLDS

There is a silly sickness

That Mummy calls a cold.

It makes my nose run really far!

(That’s a joke I’m told).

Where did it get its name from?

I’m sure she’s got it wrong,

‘Cause when she took my temperature

She said I’m very warm.

She gives me pills and Medicine

To cause my cold to fade.

What I really need is cold things;

Ice cream and lemonade!

Wompoo

Saturday, August 4th, 2007

The beautiful emerald breasted Wompoo pigeon of the Queensland rainforests utters a deep and awesome call, which gives us its name. These places are very special and worthy of preservation. When I spend time in those forests I come away cleansed. The poem was written for a North Queensland Conservation Council poetry competition.

 

WOMPOO

The warning trumpet sounds.
Wompoooo!
Wompoooo!.

Alert the forest!

The call sounds to tell the creatures we are here.

But No!  This is not us!  This is not me!

I walk softly on the moist earth
noting carefully where my foot falls so as not to harm
nor disturb any slow and gentle thing.

Leaf skeletons lie in frail beauty by blue fungal flowerings,

death unveiling the wonder of life,

life unveiling the wonder of death.

My eyes travel from the hollow depths of shadow within the fig,

enjoying the gradation and ply of light on the complexity of its trunk,

drinking the speckled play of active leaf upon sky,

feeling the luminant greenness of the sun passing through fan palm leaves

into the difficult to reach and shadowy corners of my mind.

A robin flies softly to a low branch and asks a silent question.

“Hello my friend,” I say and Robin stays a while for company.

My lover and I walk silently, touching gently and pointing now and then,

breathing softly scents of earth and vegetation,

looking at each other’s eyes, wondering at wonderment.

Later, we leave renewed, souls filled with memories:

Bright red berries on a forest floor

Wompoo!Wompoo!