Here are a couple more terrible paragraphs in the Bulwer-Lytton tradition.
A Dark and Stormy Night
It was a dark and stormy night, and a million stars twinkled and shone as planets twirled around an indeterminate percentage of them, some perhaps supporting life, even intelligence, and all that bright luminescence was perhaps not even there above the clouds, like the tree in the forest thing, he thought.
Purple Prose
Meg sat there exhausted and pregnant, like a collection of sports equipment – an earth ball, two mega-baseball bats, two hockey sticks, a couple of marbles, two bike helmets, a golf ball, two really small boxing gloves – the most amazing piece of exercise equipment he ever had.