Yesterday I made a half hearted attempt to lay a ghost, the ghost of a lost love that haunts me occasionally. That makes me feel a little guilty at times as I now have another love. I met my former love in a restaurant and several months ago a new waitress arrived at one of the restaurants I frequent now and she reminds me strongly of the other woman. This woman has facial resemblances to RSW (name disguised as usual to respect my lovely friend’s privacy). What seems even more powerful is that this waitress stands and walks similarly to RSW and her figure is not unalike either. The attitude conveyed by her body language and facial expressions, while not the same, are not very different. Perhaps I should take a warning from that. I always knew I was attracted to RSW’s attitude but the relationship ended when we tried living together and found out we were vastly incompatible.
I feel a bit uncomfortable at times when in this restaurant, particularly when waitress X (I don’t even know her name and she has only a little, if well pronounced, English) serves at my table. My eyes are drawn to her even when I have other company, though I restrain that of course. Somehow there is a response too. Perhaps we are of two types that attract even if fated not to be suitable. I had to do something about my discomfort so I learned the Chinese for ‘remind me of someone’ and managed to tell her so she understood. She asked ‘friend’ and I said nupengyou, girlfriend, and looked very awkward. We said no more but now maybe she will understand why my eyes stick to hers sometimes and dart away. I’m sure that in that restaurant everyone realizes BMW and I are a couple. Maybe now I will be able to relax and let go another degree or two and be comfortable there. I can’t stop going, there is nowhere else I can find that makes such delicious pumpkin soup.