Have a good laugh friends, but don’t steal my poem 
Just recite it at parties and share your profits with me!
Cowboy Bob
In the West a living legend named Cowboy Bob always did a real good job,
Cutting cattle’s balls off without a sob and cookin’ them later on the hob.
He Yahooed and Lassooed around the range and never felt the least bit strange,
Wrassling bulls and dippin’ them for mange, never knowing that he was deranged.
He liked Ukeleles and guitars that cried and the size of his hat was a source of pride.
When a fight was on he would never run and hide, though his nose always broke and he ended up black eyed.
But somewhere in the country there was a research station where scientists proposed to change this nation.
Through a process of ratiocination* Cowboy Bob’s job came up for condemnation.
Balloons sent up to the ozone layer discovered it was full of holes and hadn’t got a prayer
And a machine that analyzed all the gasses found it was dyin’ of gas from cattle’s asses.
After years of campaigns right across the land, politicians had to take a stand.
Their wives skin care purchases were getting out of hand so they declared that all cattle would be banned.
Now Bob was sad that his cattle’s farts could destroy the life that was dear to his heart
But he found a job that used some of his art, rounding up trolleys for a K-Mart.
But somewhere in the country there was a research station where scientists proposed to change this nation.
They were still workin’ hard at their ratiocination when Cowboy Bob came up for condemnation.
In their efforts to repair the ozone fence they reported findings that didn’t make sense,
The ozone layer was almost past tense and the skies were still full of flatulence.
How could there be such a creature as this? It was revealed by their analysis
The gasses were strong enough to cause paralysis, so the beast must be dead or on dialysis.
Research continued by every means and the problem was tracked to a company named Heinz
Where after raids and several ugly scenes National Guards and troopers seized a million tons of beans.
The scientists sent out tiny airborne flitters, equipped with olfactory sensors and tiny transmitters,
To keep surveillance on all the public shitters for they’d found the gas but not the emitters.
Bob was arrested the very next week when he went to the toilet for a shit and a leak.
The swat team yelled out, “You’re the one we seek. Your crime is you’re making the Ozone Layer weak!”
When he was purged and released he was filled with remorse and climbed sadly onto his waiting horse.
He wasn’t paying attention and got scratched by gorse as he steered into the wilderness on a secret course.
He arrived at the shelter he’d built for nuclear war and opened the door and was relieved at what he saw,
Ten thousand cans of beans were stacked against a wall and he began to eat them although against the law.
He ate them cold, can after can, beans by the pound as only a cowboy can,
He compressed the gasses for he was a real man, and never released a sniff to draw attention from the man.
Bob ate all evening and all the next day until he’d put all those beans away,
Then he loosed his horse and fed her hay, and then he kissed her and she said “Neigh”!
He climbed a mountain near some ancient Indian art and tried to meditate to calm his racing heart
And fitted a battery for an electric start and squatted a bit and let out a fart.
Bob yelled “Yippee!” as he headed for the sky, “I never knowed that cowboys could fly!”
He reached the ozone layer and passed it by. Anyone less tough would surely die.
Now Bob’s left this world but he’s not through. There’s a new constellation in the shape of a lasso,
And all the ET watchers have published what they knew, they’re receiving strange signals they think say “Yahoo!”
*Footnote: Ratiocination – A process of arriving at a conclusion through rational thought.